Trade up:

Someone abandoned a dive cylinder at work a few months ago. I didn't need and therefore use it, so sold it online for $150 last week. Someone else came into work today trying to find a buyer for two dive tanks as they are leaving the country soon. I picked them up for $160.

This time next year we'll be millionaires.

Is it too soon for Nelson Mandela jokes?

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Ok, thanks Ernie

Just seen a bunch of dyslexic South Africans putting flowers at the door of Nissan Main Dealers.

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The Home Office has updated firearms law to make it crystal clear that the creation, sale and possession of 3D-printed weapons is illegal.

Following widespread public concern, the government has amended the 1968 Firearms Act to ensure there is no legal distinction between the materials and methods used to make guns.

Guidance on the Home Office website now reads: "3D printed weapons are potentially lethal barreled weapons and must be viewed as such in law. The method of manufacture is not material to this consideration."

Unlicensed 3D-printed weapons, just like orthodox guns, have always been illegal, the government says, but the updated legislation leaves no room for misinterpretation.

I actually got money back from a Tesco online order under Price Promise (can't remember that ever happening before).

It has happened a couple of times to me, but have you remembered to add it to your next order?