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| pcernie wrote: How many Vietnam veterans does it take to screw in a lightbulb? YOU WEREN'T THERE, MAN! | |
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| Joke Thread https://x404.co.uk/forum/viewtopic.php?f=3&t=14925 |
Page 30 of 34 |
| Author: | oceanicitl [ Wed Nov 05, 2014 9:42 am ] | |||||||||
| Post subject: | Re: Joke Thread | |||||||||
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| Author: | big_D [ Wed Nov 05, 2014 2:09 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Joke Thread |
You can tell how old the next one is... How many Essex girls does it take to screw in a light bulb? None. They only screw in the back of Cortinas. When I used to work for O'Leary, I had the then definitive list of logic jokes. I think it was over 100 pages back then. |
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| Author: | oceanicitl [ Wed Nov 05, 2014 2:15 pm ] | |||||||||
| Post subject: | Re: Joke Thread | |||||||||
That's so 1980s Dave lol |
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| Author: | pcernie [ Fri Nov 07, 2014 12:21 am ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Joke Thread |
Just saw on the news that David James has filed for bankruptcy. I'm not surprised. He was always [LIFTED] at saving. |
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| Author: | l3v1ck [ Fri Nov 07, 2014 1:41 am ] | ||||||||||||||||||
| Post subject: | Re: Joke Thread | ||||||||||||||||||
That's a bit like..... How many Man Utd fans does it take to chane a light bulb? Four One to change the bulb, one to buy the official Man Utd light bulb changeing programme, one to tell evryone else that no other team's fans could have changed it as well as they did, and one to drive them all back to London after the bulb changing. |
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| Author: | ProfessorF [ Sun Nov 16, 2014 11:43 am ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Joke Thread |
The inventor of predictive text has died. His funfair will be hello on Sundial. |
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| Author: | oceanicitl [ Fri Nov 28, 2014 1:46 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Joke Thread |
A young lady from Portsmouth was so depressed that she decided to end it all by throwing herself into the sea, but just before she could leap from the wharf, a handsome young man stopped her. "You have so much to live for," said the man. "I'm a sailor, and we are off to Australia tomorrow. I can stow you away on my ship. I'll take care of you, bring you food every day, and keep you happy." With nothing to lose, combined with the fact that she had always wanted to go to Australia , the woman accepted. That night the sailor brought her aboard and hid her in a small but comfortable compartment in the hold. From then on, every night he would bring her three sandwiches, a bottle of red wine, and make love to her until dawn. Two weeks later she was discovered by the captain during a routine inspection. "What are you doing here?" asked the captain. "I have an arrangement with one of the sailors," she replied. "He brings me food every day and I get a free trip to Australia.” "I see," the captain says. Her conscience then got the best of her and she added, "Plus, he's screwing me." "He certainly is," replied the captain. "This is the Isle of Wight Ferry." |
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| Author: | pcernie [ Fri Nov 28, 2014 10:27 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Joke Thread |
Q: What's grey and smells of curry? A: John Major's knob. |
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| Author: | John_Vella [ Sat Nov 29, 2014 7:36 am ] | |||||||||
| Post subject: | Re: Joke Thread | |||||||||
That was funny... 30 years ago!
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| Author: | pcernie [ Sat Nov 29, 2014 9:09 am ] | ||||||||||||||||||
| Post subject: | Re: Joke Thread | ||||||||||||||||||
Back when I was two?  Funny's funny. |
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| Author: | John_Vella [ Sun Nov 30, 2014 10:37 am ] | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Post subject: | Re: Joke Thread | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||
I have to disagree. It's no longer a secret that... well, we all know the events of 1984-1988, and they don't need dredging up again, but it was funny at the time because it was topical. There are too many people who now haven't got a clue who John Major is, and Edwina... "You mean the woman off the jungle?" is how she is known to people of the current generation. A lot of 20 somethings don't even know she was a politician. To me, that joke is about as funny as "Why does Prince Charles have a multi-coloured knob? Because he keeps dipping it in Di" Just saying... 
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| Author: | pcernie [ Sun Nov 30, 2014 10:55 am ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Joke Thread |
Your joke's a good example of why it can still be funny - the play on words. Jokes have layers, delivery, timing... We still have jokes about proper historical figures! |
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| Author: | oceanicitl [ Tue Dec 02, 2014 10:19 am ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Joke Thread |
Bickering about jokes. That's a new one. I think there's enough oldies here to know exactly who they are so does it matter? C |
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| Author: | Spreadie [ Sat Mar 14, 2015 12:54 am ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Joke Thread |
Why does Karl Marx hate earl grey? Because all proper tea is theft. |
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| Author: | Fogmeister [ Mon Mar 23, 2015 9:34 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Joke Thread |
Schroedingers cat walks into a bar and doesn't. When I was young my teacher asked me to name two pronouns. I replied, "who? Me?" Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk |
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