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Helping neighbours - or not? 
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OK, so we have a set of neighbours who are elderly. The wife had a stroke, and the husband is clearly mad. We know he’s mad because when his wife was hospitalised, he went down the hole in the middle. I had police knocking on the door asking for access via the back so they can get in to see if he was OK few times. One time, when I asked if he was OK, they said they had found him in his oft “hiding from the voices”. The third time involved an ambulance, two squad cars and a doctor’s car. I genuinely thought he had ended it all. We’ve always offered to help, but they’ve never asked. While his wife was away, he wasn’t taking his drugs regularly. He was clumping doses together. I know this because when his wife came hime, while disabled and partially deaf, she’s clearly the one regulating his medications, and she told me once what they were all for. I didn't ask - this information just gets volunteered - they are the kind of people who like to broadcast their lives to everyone and anyone.

They do have family, and they do call round, but I don’t really know them enough to collar them about what’s going on - or just ask if they are OK. Family is family, and their kids are visiting them. We could be seen as interfering.

They shout at each other - and I mean really shout. They always have been loud, but recently the shouting and swearing is getting louder and longer. Usually it’s her wanting him to do something, and he’s not doing it. They wake me up at about 6am with the first batch of yelling, and there’ll be more throughout the day.

By now, they should be in sheltered accommodation. They need looking after, or at the very least monitoring beyond what their kids can do when they drop in. Thing is, I doubt sheltered accommodation would have them.

So, right now, we’re stuck with what appears to be a deterioration of behaviour next door. It’s concerning, but I know that really we’ve not got much clout with them. I’ll be glad when they do move out - not just because we’ll have some peace, but also because I’ll know they’ll have the attention that they need.

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Fri Aug 04, 2017 9:50 am
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Difficult situation to be in. My own view is not to get involved too much lest you become the main carers for them. It's always telling how people muddle along until the "healthy" one is taken ill. The other partner then may rapidly deteriorate. Normally, foresight and planning would have helped - carers visiting regularly to check meds taken and patient had something to eat and drink, medipacks to make it easier for patient to take meds, or even admission for respite to a care home.

If there's dementia or mental health issues, everything becomes much more difficult. I've had a couple of patients at our practice whereby a well-meaning neighbour has helped out a patient with dementia to the extent that they go round daily to check on patient, do the food shop for then, drop off meals, help with cleaning etc, only for distant family members (who rarely bother to turn up, help out or check on patient) to then start accusing the well-meaning neighbour of various things.

In this instance, GP would be the right way forward. But you may not know their GP, or they may decline your input if they don't have neighbours' consent for information to be shared. But if you at least flag it up, it may pass the nose of the GP looking after them who may arrange a visit.

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Fri Aug 04, 2017 10:37 am
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cloaked_wolf wrote:
Difficult situation to be in. My own view is not to get involved too much lest you become the main carers for them. It's always telling how people muddle along until the "healthy" one is taken ill. The other partner then may rapidly deteriorate. Normally, foresight and planning would have helped - carers visiting regularly to check meds taken and patient had something to eat and drink, medipacks to make it easier for patient to take meds, or even admission for respite to a care home.

If there's dementia or mental health issues, everything becomes much more difficult. I've had a couple of patients at our practice whereby a well-meaning neighbour has helped out a patient with dementia to the extent that they go round daily to check on patient, do the food shop for then, drop off meals, help with cleaning etc, only for distant family members (who rarely bother to turn up, help out or check on patient) to then start accusing the well-meaning neighbour of various things.

In this instance, GP would be the right way forward. But you may not know their GP, or they may decline your input if they don't have neighbours' consent for information to be shared. But if you at least flag it up, it may pass the nose of the GP looking after them who may arrange a visit.


Yes. Kind of my thoughts, thanks. I expect they are well known to the GPs surgery - they use the same ones as we do - I think they know already what their needs are. Any conversation with them will eventually come round to what they are taking, medical conditions etc.. They are (and have been since I’ve lived here) been professional claimants, so if there is anything that they can get for free, they’ll be there.

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Fri Aug 04, 2017 11:44 am
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cloaked_wolf wrote:
My own view is not to get involved too much lest you become the main carers for them.


I'd agree with this. I used to have a very elderly neighbour and just popping round to make sure he was Ok eventually led to me having a door key and being contacted by his care team if they couldn't get in touch with him. They'd phone and I'd have to go in and see what the situation was. I didn't like this and one time thought he'd fallen getting out of bed and died. Managed to check him and bring him round and waited with him til the care team and ambulance got there, but he was sat there in his [LIFTED] underwear and I thought that this was asking a bit much.

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Fri Aug 04, 2017 10:22 pm
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