Ok....someone had to take the plunge:
Mega Shark Vs Giant Octopus

On the back of the YouTube trailer anticipation was high to see a film that's a cult classic even before it's released. So....how was it? Ed Wood - if he is watching this in the afterlife - would probably feel that his reign as 'The Worst Director Of All Time" was over. Step up writer/director Ace Hannah, aka Jack Perez. If you thought you might have a Hollywood career no wonder you created this under an assumed name.

As one might suspect, there is so much wrong with this effort that it's hard to know what to say....but is it "so-bad-it's-good?" Or just bad? Well, Deborah (not Debbie, thank you) Gibson is the best actor in it by a long way. There's an Irish Scientist whose accent is all over the place....imagine my surprise when the "Special Features" revealed he is Irish and he can't even act in his own language.

The low budget shines through hilariously. Re-use of sets and locations.....events taking place off-screen.....laughable dialogue.....it's all here. As for the Special Effects they are worse than even the TV Movie dreck you get on the Sci-Fi Channel; and if you've seen the trailer you've pretty much seen all the 'best' bits anyway. That infamous shark encounter with the airliner? It is never mentioned as having happened in the film and there's not even a stab at explaining why or how a shark could do this. Golden Gate Bridge incident? The same. The actors' lack of emotional response to an attack that apparently cost "thousands of lives" is laughable.

Summing up....don't view this thinking it will be another Plan 9 or something....it is not that entertaining by a long long way.

The Mega Shark chows down on a nuclear submarine...that's how big this guy is!


Debbie Gibson and fellow scientists work furiously in their hi-tech lab:

Ahem.
Mega Shark vs Giant Octopus is awesome.
No ifs, no buts.
It's everything a B-movie should be. We've all been spoilt by Lucas et al. It's just a good fun romp full of ropey dialogue, questionable acting skills and a bad script.
In short, a refreshing change that's not trying too hard to be something meaningful.
9 out of 10.

Calling Mega Shark vs Giant Octopus a B Movie is far too generous. It a Z Movie and a dull, boring one at that.

I'm totally with Alex on this one.
Me and my mate were roaring with laughter when they were doing their coloured water experiments.
We also came to the conclusion that the editor was on the YTS as there's just a little too many extra lingering shots once the dialogue has finished.
It's actually quite impressive the sort of budget they had for this thing, though I did spot a set being used as three different locations on three different vessels without so much as a change of lighting.
They must've been short on extras too as at least three guys were spotted in differing roles.
It's a great film for all the wrong reasons! (8+D

Mark

Let The Right One In

This Swedish film tells the story of Oskar, a 12 year old boy who lives with his mother in an apartment block in a suburb of Stockholm. He's mercilessly bullied at school and has no friends but into the neighbouring apartment comes a girl of about his own age along with an older man who may or may not be her father. She only appears at night, does not seem to feel the sub-zero temperatures and has her window papered over so daylight cannot get in.

A series of bloody murders occur locally as the neighbour tries to collect blood for the girl. Oskar gradually begins to realise what is going on but decides he has to help his only friend and protect her from harm.

This was a well-filmed and subtle story, with great cinematography and a restrained approach helped by strong performances from the two young leads. The special effects are quite subtle and used sparingly, this haunting film is as much a story about friendship as about vampirism so there's no CGI overkill. However a Hollywood remake is already on the cards and they won't be able to resist the chance to throw money into the effects budget. See the original instead.

8 out of 10

I just came back from Empire, where I watched Inglorious Basterds

Firstly, I love Quentin Tarantino's films. If you don't like his other stuff, then you won't like this. It's true to form.

Lot's of graphic violence, some pretty quirky bits and bobs. A few good laughs - pretty standard Tarantino type stuff.

I don't reckon Brad Pitt was all that great in his role as an american army officer. A shaky deep south american tootin-shootin accent didn't really suit him, but it's not enough to ruin the film at all.

The story was bloody brilliant, if a bit predictable. Some scenes tended to drag on slightly.

2.5 hours long, but I loved it. I'm usually looking at my watch after two hours of any film but this was excellent. Even though it was relatively slow, it was captivating.

My favourite charachter is a quite camp German officer who appears a few times in the film. I don't know who the actor is, but he did an absolutely brilliant job. He made the film for me.

Overall, a bloody good film! You know what to expect before you go in, and you get it. Trademark Tarantino which is probably why I loved it so much.

Go and watch it!!

Gran Torino

78 year old Clint Eastwood stars as Walt Kowalski, a recently widowed man who just cannot get along with a modern world and its inhabitants, specifically the asian family who have moved in next door. The family's teenage boy is coerced by a gang to steal Walt's much-prized 1972 Ford Gran Torino but is caught in the attempt. The family force the boy to make amends by working for Walt on various odd-jobs and slowly a bond develops between the two but the gang are never far away and bent on revenge for Walt's humiliation of them.

I really enjoyed this film....it's a slow and careful study of a friendship between an unlikely couple, a bitter old man who fought in the Korean War and is haunted by his experiences of killing and a teenage Hmong boy who desperately needs a strong father figure. It has moments of humour as well as tension as Walt's confrontations with the gang escalate and he becomes the defender of the asian family who, he comes to realise, treat him better than his own relatives.

And if you think Eastwood is too old to play any sort of an 'action' hero then wait until you hear that gravelly voice and see him deploy that thousand-yard stare. He's one geriatric who will not be mugged for his pension on his way to Tesco.

8 out of 10

In The Name Of The King: A Dungeon Siege Tale

Just don't.
Go and watch LOTR instead.

How is Uwe Boll still working?

Haven't we been here before? (8+/

Mark

We have, but having watched that last film, I'm even more dumbfounded as to who's picking up the phone to him and asking him to direct.

Broken Embraces

Pedro Almodovar's latest film tells the story of Harry Caine, a blind ex-filmmaker turned scriptwriter who is told of the death of a millionaire businessman who he had dealings with many years before. While making a movie back in the 1990's this same business man produced Caine's film as a vehicle for his mistress Lena (Penelope Cruz) but sent his son to film her and the director (under the guise of creating a 'making-of' documentary) to make sure that there was no hanky-panky going on....which there was.... and eventually the director and leading lady run off together to escape the businessman's obssessive jealousy.

Telling his story in flashback, Caine has to reconcile his actions then with his situation in life now and takes action to remedy what he sees as the greatest failure of his life.

It's very difficult to say much about this film without giving its twists and turns away. It is much less gaudy and flamboyant than most of Almodovar's films, the days of 'All About My Mother' and 'Pepi, Luci, Bom' are long gone, but there's a lot to enjoy here if you are a fan of Almodovar's work. The acting is top-notch and Penelope Cruz looks simply stunning throughout even after she's been pushed down a staircase!

So, worth a look but don't expect another 'Volver.' 7.5 out of 10.

Just seen this on the DVD shelf in ASDA. I was very tempted to buy it.

B movies have their place, some of the old sci-fi ones have endeared themselves to me because they were so awful. I just miss the MST3K puppets taking the piss out of them.

I bet Mega Shark et al is an entertaining romp, even if it is for all the wrong reasons. If it boasted better effects, it may even compete with Starship Troopers.

You want to see a bad film? Try watching Snakes on a train (no, I did not mean Snakes on a plane)- it's worth the effort just to see the ludicrous final scene.

Mega Shark vs Giant Octopus is from the same production company, Asylum, so that should tell you what to expect. Rent it if you must but don't buy it!

Friday the 13th

Rented this on DVD thinking it would be a remake of the 1980 original but in actual fact it almost a remake of Friday 13th Parts 2, 3 and 4. The events of the original film are summed up in a series of flashbacks as a group of modern day American teens go for a little camping fun in the woods and end up at the deserted and overgrown Camp Crystal Lake, the site of a murderous killing spree some 25 years ago. What they don't know, of course, is that the long-presumed-dead Jason Voorhees lurks in the woods and will use very aggressive measures against any intruders.

This reboot of the Friday the 13th franchise is from the same team who remade The Texas Chain Saw Massacre a couple of years ago with some success and here a bring a modern slant to another horror cult classic. Unfortunately part of this re-imagining is to make Jason a faster, leaner and more purposeful killer than before which means you get a lot of frantic camerawork as potential victims rush here and there in scenes so dark you often cannot tell what is going on, even during the all-important kills. Anyone who has seen Aliens v Predator 2 will know what I mean. Viewing the DVD extras reveals that the film-makers (particularly the two writers) are a savvy bunch and the special effects guys are producing great work. What a pity so little makes it to the screen.

Summing up, if you like the Friday the 13th films you may want to check this out but anyone else can easily find better films to pass the time. By today's standards, this one is uninvolving and not at all frightening.

3 out of 10.

I know EXACTLY what you mean, unfortunately... AvP2 was a disgrace