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l3v1ck
What's a life?
Joined: Fri Apr 24, 2009 10:21 am
Posts: 12700
Location: The Right Side of the Pennines (metaphorically & geographically)
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What's the difference between a snow man and snow woman?
Snowballs.
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| Sat Dec 03, 2011 6:49 pm |
 
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Spreadie
I haven't seen my friends in so long
Joined: Fri Apr 24, 2009 6:06 pm
Posts: 6355
Location: IoW
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I don't know what the age rating is for that new Margaret Thatcher film, but I'm pretty sure it's not suitable for miners.
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Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes; after that, who cares?! He's a mile away and you've got his shoes!
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| Sat Dec 03, 2011 7:03 pm |
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Linux_User
I haven't seen my friends in so long
Joined: Tue May 05, 2009 3:29 pm
Posts: 7173
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| Sat Dec 03, 2011 7:20 pm |
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jonbwfc
What's a life?
Joined: Thu Apr 23, 2009 7:26 pm
Posts: 17040
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Santa is off out on his yearly duties, turns to his wife and says 'Righto, I'm off. Think I'll take the car this year!'
Mrs Claus, shocked by this, replies 'but what about the reindeer?'
Santa ponders this, and announces 'of course you're right dear. I'll make sure I take an umbrella.'
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| Sat Dec 03, 2011 7:45 pm |
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l3v1ck
What's a life?
Joined: Fri Apr 24, 2009 10:21 am
Posts: 12700
Location: The Right Side of the Pennines (metaphorically & geographically)
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This Christmas naughty children will be getting some Euros instead of that expensive lump of coal.
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| Sat Dec 10, 2011 4:43 am |
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big_D
What's a life?
Joined: Thu Apr 23, 2009 8:25 pm
Posts: 10691
Location: Bramsche
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huh? Britain has become the number one shopping destination, taking over from the Czech Republic and Poland, because the weak pound makes it the best place to get cheap deals.
_________________
"Do you know what this is? Hmm? No, I can see you do not. You have that vacant look in your eyes, which says hold my head to your ear, you will hear the sea!" - Londo Molari
Executive Producer No Agenda Show 246
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| Sat Dec 10, 2011 1:52 pm |
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finlay666
Spends far too much time on here
Joined: Thu Apr 23, 2009 9:40 pm
Posts: 4876
Location: Newcastle
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Caroline Flack said that her One Direction boyfriend Harry styles is really good in bed!
Apparently he can go to sleep without needing a story.
_________________TwitterCharlie Brooker: Macs are glorified Fisher-Price activity centres for adults; computers for scaredy cats too nervous to learn how proper computers work; computers for people who earnestly believe in feng shui.
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| Sat Dec 10, 2011 2:10 pm |
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steve74
Doesn't have much of a life
Joined: Fri Apr 24, 2009 12:43 pm
Posts: 1798
Location: Manchester
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My wife left me because of my obsession with Kit-Kats.
Actually, we're just taking a break.
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* Steve *
* Witty statement goes here *
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| Sun Dec 11, 2011 7:35 pm |
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pcernie
Legend
Joined: Sun Apr 26, 2009 12:30 pm
Posts: 45931
Location: Belfast
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What's the first sign of madness?
Men in sunglasses walking up your driveway...
_________________Plain English advice on everything money, purchase and service related:
http://www.moneysavingexpert.com/
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| Fri Dec 30, 2011 11:30 pm |
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pcernie
Legend
Joined: Sun Apr 26, 2009 12:30 pm
Posts: 45931
Location: Belfast
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I went to the cemetery the other day and left some roses on mum's grave. Just the coffee-flavoured ones though, I'm not an idiot.
_________________Plain English advice on everything money, purchase and service related:
http://www.moneysavingexpert.com/
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| Fri Dec 30, 2011 11:40 pm |
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belchingmatt
I haven't seen my friends in so long
Joined: Fri May 15, 2009 3:16 am
Posts: 6146
Location: Middle Earth
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Craig David has been chosen to equip the Olympic archery squad.
He is the bow selecta.
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Dive like a fish, drink like a fish!
><(((º>`•.¸¸.•´¯`•.¸><(((º>
•.¸¸.•´¯`•.¸><(((º>`•.¸¸.•´¯`•.¸><(((º>
If one is diving so close to the limits that +/- 1% will make a difference then the error has already been made.
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| Fri Jan 13, 2012 5:47 pm |
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ProfessorF
What's a life?
Joined: Thu Apr 23, 2009 7:56 pm
Posts: 12030
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A banker, a Daily Mail reader and a DLA claimant are sitting at a table sharing a dozen biscuits.
The banker takes 11, and says to the Daily Mail reader "look out for the benefit claimant - they want your biscuit."
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| Tue Jan 17, 2012 5:43 pm |
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Spreadie
I haven't seen my friends in so long
Joined: Fri Apr 24, 2009 6:06 pm
Posts: 6355
Location: IoW
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I was watching the news about the stricken cruise ship, and the Sky presenter said "she's lying on her side with a gash the size of a tennis court."
All I did was glance at the wife and now it's all kicked off!
_________________
Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes; after that, who cares?! He's a mile away and you've got his shoes!
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| Wed Jan 18, 2012 4:01 pm |
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Blue_Nowhere
Spends far too much time on here
Joined: Thu Apr 23, 2009 8:57 pm
Posts: 2220
Location: Here for now...
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I wanted to burn some calories at lunch, so I set fire to a fat kid.
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| Thu Jan 19, 2012 4:03 am |
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AlunD
Site Admin
Joined: Fri Apr 24, 2009 6:12 am
Posts: 7011
Location: Wiltshire
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Antony Worrall Thompson stole some cheddar? How dairy!
I went to see Ready Steady Cook the other day. It was fantastic. Antony Worrall Thompson stole the show.
Why did the chicken cross the road? Because it was stuffed up Worrall Thompson's jacket.
Antony Worrall Thompson has been caught shoplifting milk, yeast and flour from his local Tesco. He's clearly run out of dough.
There's no such thing as a free lunch. Unless you're using the Worrall Thompson recipe book.
Antony Worrall Thompson stole some cheese and wine. And that was only for starters.
Wozza was caught stealing cheese from Tesco. He should have done it more Caerphilly.
I don't care what he's done, I'm still hanging on to my Antony Worrall Thompson blender. Better the Breville you know.
Asked how he feels about stealing cheese, Antony Worrall Thompson admits it wasn't very mature
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<input type="pickmeup" name="coffee" value="espresso" />
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| Thu Jan 19, 2012 5:49 pm |
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