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I haven't seen my friends in so long
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Joined: Fri Apr 24, 2009 6:37 am
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I got my friend an elephant for her room.
She asked me what to do with it.
I said "Don't mention it".

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When they put teeth in your mouth, they spoiled a perfectly good bum.
-Billy Connolly (to a heckler)


Fri Sep 23, 2016 9:41 am
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Joined: Fri Apr 24, 2009 10:21 am
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Location: The Right Side of the Pennines (metaphorically & geographically)
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Why do the French eat snails?
They don't like fast food.

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pcernie wrote:
'I'm going to snort this off your arse - for the benefit of government statistics, of course.'


Mon Sep 26, 2016 7:46 pm
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I haven't seen my friends in so long
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Joined: Fri Apr 24, 2009 1:03 pm
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Location: London
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davrosG5 wrote:
I got my friend an elephant for her room.
She asked me what to do with it.
I said "Don't mention it".

That sounds like a Tim Vine Joke

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John_Vella wrote:
OK, so all we need to do is find a half African, half Chinese, half Asian, gay, one eyed, wheelchair bound dwarf with tourettes and a lisp, and a st st stutter and we could make the best panel show ever.


Tue Sep 27, 2016 7:54 am
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Joined: Thu Apr 23, 2009 8:29 pm
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Image

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"I hadn't known there were so many idiots in the world until I started using the Internet." - Stanislaw Lem


Wed Oct 05, 2016 5:48 pm
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Joined: Fri Apr 24, 2009 7:55 am
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I used to work in a meditation centre, but I hated the place. I couldn't wait until 5.00pm so I could go hommmmmmmm.

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okenobi wrote:
John's hot. No denying it. But he's hardly Karen now, is he ;)

John Vella BSc (Hons), PGCE - Still the official forum prankster and crude remarker :P
Sorry :roll:
I'll behave now.
Promise ;)


Fri Jan 06, 2017 1:15 pm
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Spends far too much time on here
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Joined: Thu Apr 23, 2009 6:44 pm
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Location: Exeter
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l3v1ck wrote:
Why do the French eat snails?
They don't like fast food.


From what I've seen, this is actually no longer the case. McDonalds etc is always rammed come lunch time.

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"The woman is a riddle inside a mystery wrapped in an enigma I've had sex with."


Sat Jan 07, 2017 8:45 am
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Joined: Fri Apr 24, 2009 8:04 am
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From Popbitch

Old Donald Trump Jokes Home:
Q/ What's the difference between a chickpea and a lentil?

A/ No-one has ever paid to have a lentil on their face...

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Still the official cheeky one ;)

jonbwfc wrote:
Caz is correct though


Thu Jan 12, 2017 3:14 pm
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Does anyone know how long you cook those boil in the bag fish you get from the funfair ?

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okenobi wrote:
John's hot. No denying it. But he's hardly Karen now, is he ;)

John Vella BSc (Hons), PGCE - Still the official forum prankster and crude remarker :P
Sorry :roll:
I'll behave now.
Promise ;)


Tue Apr 11, 2017 6:29 pm
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It was an unusually cold morning on 7th December 1941. Midshipman Davies shivered as he patrolled the decks of the USS Phoenix, moored off the coast of Ford Island. The dawn sun light up the sky in an array of cool hues, mingled with oranges and reds, making the chill even feel even more biting. A wind blew across the decks, causing flags to flutter, ropes to clang mournfully against masts.

Davies paused. "There’s a nip in the air," he said to himself as he continued his rounds.

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All the best,
Paul
brataccas wrote:
your posts are just combo chains of funny win

I’m on Twitter, tweeting away... My Photos Random Avatar Explanation


Tue Apr 11, 2017 7:51 pm
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Joined: Fri Dec 13, 2013 6:44 pm
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Subtler than most!!

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I cannot remember the last time I forgot something ;)


Sat Apr 29, 2017 5:26 pm
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Joke that went over the heads of the kids in CodeClub last week, but well worth repeating here:

What kind of computers do pirates use? PCs of Eight Bits.
(earned me 12 points from Mr Biffo too....)

Someone else on Twitter actually augmented this by adding:
Sometimes 7 bits due to parroty errors.

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All the best,
Paul
brataccas wrote:
your posts are just combo chains of funny win

I’m on Twitter, tweeting away... My Photos Random Avatar Explanation


Tue May 02, 2017 9:01 am
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Burn_IT wrote:
Subtler than most!!


Thanks!

That was bouncing around in my head for a long time. I had to get the wording right, and I wanted to paint a picture rather than going straight for the pun.

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All the best,
Paul
brataccas wrote:
your posts are just combo chains of funny win

I’m on Twitter, tweeting away... My Photos Random Avatar Explanation


Tue May 02, 2017 9:03 am
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I always went with:
What do you call a Japanese Airline pilot on a cold day??

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I cannot remember the last time I forgot something ;)


Thu May 04, 2017 12:57 pm
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Burn_IT wrote:
I always went with:
What do you call a Japanese Airline pilot on a cold day??

???

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pcernie wrote:
'I'm going to snort this off your arse - for the benefit of government statistics, of course.'


Thu May 04, 2017 6:25 pm
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Joined: Sun Apr 26, 2009 12:30 pm
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[Testing Cat-Human Translator]
Scientist: Cat, what is your name?
Cat: I AM KANG THE DESTROYER
Owner: It's not working. His name is Socks.

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Plain English advice on everything money, purchase and service related:

http://www.moneysavingexpert.com/


Thu Aug 03, 2017 8:52 pm
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